No more Rockstar.

I was busy being totally broke and living under a rock when the original post broke. But now I feel really terrible for my addiction to orange Rockstar. Mostly because they're owned by homo-hater and asshole-of-all-asshole radio personalities, Michael Savage's, son.

I *was* just going to boycott their product upon finding that out. Now, let it be known that I would not pee on these people to put out a fire. Well, at least I haven't drank it for at least 1 1/2 months since switching my energy drink habit to sugar-free. Sugar-free Rockstar tastes like I imagine urine mixed with battery acid would.

Why am I so beyond pissed? Because you DON'T FUCK with my friends. Especially when my friends happen to be online journalists, and damn good ones.

Rockstar threatens to sue Bilerico to quash the truth about where your money goes when you buy their product.

Give 'em hell, Bilerico Project.

I blame Drew's cancer!

For everything. Stupid Drew's cancer!

I've never met Drew. But we're all pulling for him in Twitterland. He's fighting stage 3 Hodgkin's lymphoma, and he's decided the best way to beat the cancer is to whip the daylights out of it however possible. We're blaming it for everything. Bus late? Blame Drew's cancer. Got decaf instead of regular? Blame Drew's cancer. Disgruntled that you aren't a ninja? You know what to do. Tweet your blames with the hashtag #blamedrewscancer and these will be backed up with sponsors' donations to the American Cancer Society and Make a Wish foundation. It's a great cause, he seems like a great guy, and dangit, is this ever fun! Give it hell, Drew. And everyone else living with, fighting, and surviving cancer... give it hell.


See Drew's original blog post here.

We're gonna rally either way.

Prop 8 Decision day is tomorrow.

If you're in Indy, we're rallying at 2pm at the corner of Washington and Delaware.

If you're not, here is where to go to find where your rallying site will be.

We're hopefully going to rally in celebration of a righted wrong. But we will rally either way. In solidarity with my fellow humans and in recognition of their inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness, with WHOEVER, regardless of where they lie on the spectra of sexuality, gender, etc.

I still have very limited computer access but will plan on livetweeting the day's events at twitter.com/midgetqueen. Hopefully the tweets will be happy ones.

Consider this my Happy Mother's Day.

Re-posted for muthafuckin' TRUTH.

So for mother's day- skip the cards and the flowers and the brunch (though I'll take the mimosas, thankyouverymuch). Those crappy items don't make up for the real harm we do in treating mothers like precious little flowers one day of the year and unpaid idiot servants for the rest of it. Here's my wish list for a REAL Mother's day.

1. An end to the mommy wage gap.

2. Universal preschool and college

3. Paid parental leave and sickdays for everyone.

4. Child support enforcement that DOESN"T leave 70% of cases in arrears

5. Universal healthcare that includes birth control and abortion services

6. For mothers to succeed in their careers the same way fathers have been able to.

"We need more women in senior management."

Well, duh.

A letter from Tiga!

Tiga is still in jail, but we have gotten word from her and it's up at the website set up for her updates and legal defense info. It's a very sweet letter and the full text of it is here.

I can't get down there to visit her on Monday evening, so I would appreciate it so greatly if someone could print what I'm about to type below, and take it to her for me if that is in any way possible:

Woman, your letter made me cry! I don't know that I've ever been so glad to hear from anybody! I still don't know when the bond hearing is going to be; I'm hoping for Wednesday because I agreed to testify on your behalf if it's on a day I don't have to be up here in Indy for work. It's really the least I could do for you after all the ways you were there for me in the last year or so. The thought of people thinking you're some crazy, some terrorist... some dangerous soul. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity of that thought. I'm glad that even in the confines of a cell you're seeing some of that little-town kindness that made Pike County OK to grow up in. I overflow with joy at seeing that no matter what shit certain... respected figures... try to put you through, you still have the spark, the wit, and the chutzpah that made me admire you in the first place. I wish I could see you in person, but work unfortunately prevents it. And my hope is that if I were to write and send a letter, you'd be out before you could receive it. I haven't heard from you in some time, but in spirit I've been cheering you on although I often wasn't sure where you were. You are a unique and beautiful person and I wish I were half as brave as you. If there's ever anything I can do for you that I am not or haven't already, do let me know. I sincerely hope to see you soon. ***hugs***

Love and solidarity,
Leah

the opportunity to muse again

So here is my question for the day. How does one get through the stupid levels of stress that I couldn't seem to get out from under for so many months, without letting it become stultifying? So many people, throughout time and in all corners of the earth, have been through so much more. And instead of crumbling inward and feeling like they did not have the luxury of time to still be thoughtful people while just fighting to exist and not go insane, they flourished in thought and creative proliferation. What is the secret?

Actually, now that I think of it, I used to become more creative in times of emotional stress rather than just shutting off. What happened?

I just know that I finally sat down today with a yumtastic toaster strudel and this copy of Bitch that I bought over a week ago, and it was like a drink of cold water after wandering through a desert with empty hands and belly. Funny how something so mundane can feel so profoundly gorgeous when you haven't made the time for it in so long. I want to know that I'm back here, for real, in this thoughtful place again, where clarity isn't just something I wish I knew how to have. It is here, and it is now, and I have no idea how to take it with me regardless of if things keep getting better, or just start to tumble again.

But I feel like if I can learn that secret, even if there is a "next time" I fall back into a place where I'm not making it and I'm so scared that I'm having panic attacks two and three and more times a day... I will still not feel lost like that.

What do you do to regain your clarity, or keep it when you feel like you're on the verge of losing it?

SHIT GUYS THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT PLEASE READ

Free Hugh and Tiga!!


You may or may not remember my reportings on the I-69 protestors last summer. During the course of that time, I made some unbelievably good friends, one of whom is the Tiga mentioned on this site. She's currently being held in my original home town on $10,000 bail for total bullshit charges. More info is on the site. As of the most recent update, Hugh was released yesterday. However, as far as I know Tiga is still in jail and for once I wish to God I were still in Pike County instead of Indianapolis because I would love to go see her.

If she's still in there on Thursday, I may well skip out on my plans to go see the third Death Note movie with Laura so I can go down there and visit. Sorry Laura, love you, but if it were you in jail you'd better believe I would totally blow off a movie for you.

PLEASE y'all, if you have any love at all in your heart for me, go to the site and donate. I'm gonna cry right now. Seriously. I don't care that I'm still at work. Tiga, I know you can't see this right now but maybe soon you will. *hugs* miss you and love you and I will do my best to see you soon.

Just wanted to let you know I am still alive.

Actually, I'm better than still alive. I have been in Indianapolis for a little over a month now. I expected Indy to treat me well, and so far I have not been disappointed. Still don't have the greatest of access for updating this little corner of the blogosphere 'cause my old computer is 1) three hours away and 2) not functioning anyway. I'm currently at work so I can't take a whole lot of time to update.

In short, life has finally chilled the F out and I have calmed down enough to get to a level of clarity I haven't had for a LONG time. And it feels damn good. I'm almost downright content, which is odd considering the past year and a half or so.

It *is* weird living under the same roof as Mike, and there have been the requisite awkward times and spats which, given our history, can be expected. It was only downright difficult for a couple of weeks. There has been some long-overdue talking shit out and I think it's safe to say we're cool.

The truth is, now that the adjustment pains are out of the way... the freedom of knowing exactly what we are and aren't after years of confusing the hell out of each other is... nice. Being under the same roof, even in a different room, there'd still be some awkward even under the best of circumstances. But I'm glad to be just very good friends and totally psyched that I'm up here close enough that I have some power to help him out if he ever has need. That's a new one after being 4 hours away, at best, for the past 4 years.

It might even be safe to say that, at this point, I have *almost* everything I want. I'm not scared about life and money and everything. Haven't had a panic attack in a pretty damn long time. Mike's got that chick he's dating, or quasi-dating, or whatever it is, and she is damn cool. I can picture him being stupidly happy with her if he plays his cards right. And the bottom line between me and him has always been that we're both super-protective of each other and, most of all, I just want him to be happy. So on that front, things are great. Superhigh hopes. *crosses fingers*

I miss Zach though. So badly. I know, I know. I'm the one who put myself here and etc and so on. Given the recent improvements in my trajectory, I guess I can do nothing but just hope that whatever is meant to be will be.

And I've been on here way too long as it is. Outta here for now, take care y'all! Here's hoping my internet access situation improves soon.

Like a zillion people have tagged me on this, so might as well.

Don't look now, but it's another of those dumb "25 things" memes!! Oh noes!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I'm really pretty scared right now because I've kind of forgotten how to genuinely care about anyone or anything. Things and people and moments can make me smiley or downcast, but only incidentally.

2. I seriously don't know if I'm straight or bi right now. I know at least a few people will laugh at that. And I know everyone's at least a little bicurious. But there are 4 women (celebs and thus unattainable, sure, but still) who I would most definitely nail given opportunity. And I have no idea how many gay-crush freebies you're allowed to have before you've crossed the line.

3. OK, I guess you want to know who they are. Zuleikha Robinson, Claudia Black, Eve Myles, Katee Sackhoff. At least I have decent taste in women!

4. The biggest reason I'm so kind and giving to the poor and homeless is that I'm pretty damn broke right now and terrified that I might get to that point, so I'm trying to build up good karma.

5. I'm pretty much pissed at everyone who ever told me that if I just want to bad enough I can do anything I want. What they mean is, you can do that if you have money.

6. I really want to delete my Myspace but that's a toughie, since I don't think the email I login with even exists anymore.

7. Romantically, everything I touch falls apart. I try to warn folks to steer clear, but they never listen.

8. I've been told about a zillion times that I don't look like I belong in this decade, but I'd fit right into silent films or Hollywood Golden Age-type times.

9. Somehow I have managed to literally have the best friends on the whole damn planet. If there's one thing that keeps ya going, it's knowing that all you need to do is ask and a whole army of people have got your back.

10. Surprisingly, the one thing I miss about being in school is the ability to go to the gym and lift weights like crazy whenever I want. If I afford a gym membership any time soon, I'm gonna go do the legpress like a demon.

11. Part of me wants to be excited, with my anarchist and socialist friends, about the possibility of economic collapse. The rest of me is pretty sure that this would be horrible news to anyone who, like me, is in debt. And that's pretty much everyone.

12. I really should be either sleeping or working on job-getting stuff right now, but I lack the focus to do either.

13. I think I lack the ability to get a good night's sleep if I'm in my room alone.

14. I'm pretty much the only person I know who has never tried pot even once.

15. I tend to get addicted to things and people. Which is pretty much the biggest reason I've never tried any drugs and I very rarely drink.

16. I'm starting to run out of quirks that I can think of to yack about.

17. I check my Twitter like a zillion times a day. A life? Huh? What's that?

18. It would appear that the only way I can get a hangover is by drinking enough to almost poison myself. Granted, that isn't all that much. I did once get halfway through a bottle of Jack without dying. No, I don't remember anything except by hearsay.

19. I've not really even drank enough to get buzzed since then. Which, for me, would be like... a shot and a half, if that.

20. I have so many stupid compulsive tendencies that you don't even want to know about.

21. OK, I'm gonna steal one of Aaron's answers: I miss being 10 and not having a care in the world.

22. This is pretty cheesy, but The Vagina Monologues really did change my life. I wish I could meet Eve Ensler and hug her for that.

23. I wish Mom had been wrong when she told me that one day, there'd be so many boys into me that I'd have to knock them off with a stick. It's not awesome at all, just confusing!

24. I have wanted a tattoo for a couple of years, know exactly what I want, but I'm phobic of needles. Which doesn't even matter because I'll never afford the thing anyway.

25. I have like... the opposite of a foot fetish. If you even try to touch my feet, I will most likely scream. And kick you. And if you quit right then and you're lucky, that will be it.